Dear Girl Who is Engaged to Drew Peterson,
Um, you will die. You know that, right? He's totally gonna kill you. But you knew that, right? Right? I'm just making sure. Because that guy is, like, crazy. But you knew that. I mean, you're going to marry him, of course you know that. You have to know that he killed his previous two wives. I mean, he probably warned you before you said "Yes" that he would probably try to kill you, but not to be alarmed, it's just what he does. Right? "Look, girl, I have nothing against you, you seem like a great girl, but I'm just going to kill you at some point, okay?" Something like that? And you just decided to take your chances? Because you were listening to that song by Mary Chapin Carpenter at the time and it inspired you? Look, that's probably what it was. You were just caught up in the moment. It's okay, it happens to all of us. Just grab your kids, and while you're at it grab Stacy's kids too, and just get the holy hell out of there. It's no big deal, just hurry up and leave now. But do me a favor and make sure you tell someone that you're leaving, so they don't assume he killed you, because they will, because he kills his wives. All right, well, good luck.
All My Best,
Erin
10 comments:
Pattiz says: She would probably think your letter (warning) is so CUTE!
Don't you know? She is just so special that she will use her powers of persuasion to change him? He will be the love of her life and you will all be amazed at how much more he loves her than his other victims, I mean wives.
Where, in the name of all that is holy, are this girl's parents? Friends? Intervention bus?
YAY! She read your letter! Not only is she not engaged to Killy McKillerson, she now says she never was! Talk about the power of the written word! Woo-hoo!!
Can you please write an open letter to Sarah Palin and ask her politely to stop shooting wolves from helicopters? Oh, and to shut the f-ck up?
Thank You.
I did it! I did something! Now, Girl, if you're reading this, which I now know that you are, please use the money he gave you to keep your yap shut and enroll yourself in computer classes.
Hahaha, Killy McKillerson...
Serious question: WHY hasn't Mr. Blunt Force Trauma been "formerly charged?"
I KNOW, what the hell ever happened to the conversations his "friends" secretly recorded? I feel like I've been waiting to hear about that for six months.
Something smells fishy and it ain't Blagojevich's hair. Well, ok it is...
I call buuulllllshittttt!
Salty Jebus on a bagel, I saw on the news TODAY that Creepy McPedophile and Dumber-Than-a-Bag-of-Mud Girl are "back on!" wtmff?? They were holding hands and all cuddly and giggly and I almost choked on my own sick. Write another letter! On a stone tablet! And smack her in the head with it! :S
Oh my good god, these people. These people need to stop going on the news. Unless it's to say, "Hey, you were right. I did it." Because this could go on forever. "We're back together. Just kidding! Just kidding again! Kiddingsies! TOTALLY JOKING ABOUT THAT LAST TIME. WAIT, WAS LAST TIME WE'RE ON OR WE'RE OFF? I CAN'T REMEMBER HAHAHAHAIKILLEDHER."
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