I have an article due today for the January issue of the Pen Pal, something about 10 ways to stay on top of stress. I don't know how I get stuck with these advice articles. They gave me a reference article to base it on—written by Gabrielle Reece, the volleyball player. The point is, I haven't started it. But I have written my fake version that I wish I could submit.
10 or So Ways to Stay on Top of Stress
by Erin
So the stress of the holidays is over, but now you might be catching up on missed work and dwelling on the tear-flavored ham and mimosa binges (I know, I have a web cam in your house). Well, don’t worry too much about that, because crying while eating is actually a healthy way to reduce stress, according to Dr. Riojas, who is me.
Want to know more ways to stay on top of stress? Just keep reading!
1. Turn on the TV
I hear all the time from articles written by footballer Gabrielle Reece that it’s good to turn off the TV and get out of the house. That’s a bunch of baloney. I say turn ON the TV. Watching TV is a great escape from your life and your stress. If you’re worried about what will happen when you turn off the TV, THEN JUST DON’T TURN IT OFF.
2. Don’t go to work
Avoiding what I call “hot spots” of stress is key to not having stress. If work is stressing you out, don’t go. If your marriage is stressing you out, don’t go home. If school is too stressful, drop out. You don’t need school to get where you want to be. Look at me, I didn’t go to school and I’m a doctor.
3. Drink more
I know that too much alcohol is bad for your stomach or whatever, so I’ve developed a healthy drinking schedule that I’m in the process of having patented so I can sell it to other doctors for a nominal fee of $5,000. It goes a-like this: Monday through Friday, have two drinks every hour for twelve hours. Do not take with food—that just kills the effects. Go easy on Saturday and Sunday. Have only three drinks every hour for eight hours.
10. Complain to anyone who will listen
Are you lonely? Don’t keep it inside! Tell your wife, tell your State Farm agent like I do, tell that dude at the gym. When we bottle our emotions it’s like bottling a beer: it’s worthless until you open that bottle of beer and let it out. You have to open yourself and let people hear your tasty sad stories.
