Southern things

1. For Father's Day my mom and I took Robert on a garden tour in Biltmore Forest (meaning, they paid, plus paid for my hot dog lunch). Biltmore Forest is a fancy little neighborhood in/near Asheville. It's also where Andie MacDowell lives. Andie MacDowell, my arch nemesis. She has been plaguing my family with disappointment for years. It started in the year 2000 when I was sixteen and we were on vacation in a small town called Chipping Camden in the Cotswolds. Andie MacDowell happened to be filing a British movie there at the same time. I was very excited. We watched them film a few scenes and I couldn't wait until the movie came out. Well, the movie–Crush–came out like a year or so later and my mom and I saw it at the Maple Art Theater in Bloomfield Hills, because "British" means "art film." It was the worst movie I've ever seen. I would've rather watched her L'Oreal commercial on repeat for two hours. I was so mad at her.

Then, on the garden tour, we tromped through her backyard (see below) and took in her golf-course view and marveled at her waterfall pond and tree-covered terrace. My mom and I thought it was pretty nice. But as we were leaving, Robert admitted that he wasn't very impressed with her garden.

On top of that, the next day my mom was self-diagnosed with chiggers that we can only assume came from Andie MacDowell's house.










2. I may or may not have a job. I don't really know. They offered me a job and I accepted the job, but I don't know when I start the job or how much the job pays. I'm starting to think I imagined the job. I had to take two personality/behavior assessments that were like 200 questions each, so maybe the results came back as "crazy" and they've just decided to stop all contact with me. Or maybe they found that weapons charge in my background check. WHO CAN SAY.

3. Things are happening in our vegetable garden. We have beans coming up, we have jalapenos, corn, broccoli, zucchini and yellow squash, watermelon, tomatoes, and my cilantro has finally started to grow. I want to try to make my own salsas, like a little Mexican farmer.

A few days ago I got the idea that I would try to grow grapes and make my own wine. You can only imagine how well that would go. Then when Amy's dad was visiting last weekend, he noticed that we already have concord grapes growing on our fence! I've been saying for years that wine is my destiny. Turns out I was actually right.

4. Yesterday I was driving behind a truck down a major road and in the back of the truck was a girl sitting on a couch.